Today had all the makings to be a terrible day. Today is the two-month mark since Callie's passing. I didn't sleep well last night. I am getting sick. I have procrastinated on a project and have a long to-do list that I am finding clever ways to avoid. And, oh yeah, I woke up with a monster zit on my nose that gives this chick a run for her money:
AWESOME. Really God??
As I grumbled my way out of bed to take the dogs out this morning, I stumbled across a "little bag of sunshine" that my neighbor planted on my doorstep. Inside, she had included everything yellow that she could find in the store. Highlighters, candy, a sunny bottle of wine, and so much more. And you know what? It made my day go from "zitty" to "zit"tastic! Ha, zit jokes are great.
I am overwhelmed today by the amount of support and love that surrounds us during this difficult time. John and I appreciate it more than words can express. Every message, email, and phone call keeps us going and remind us that there are a whole lot of people out there who care. I feel badly that I haven't been able to get back to everyone right away, but I will... it's important to me that I do. Thank you to everyone who told me that they are wearing yellow today, that you are thinking of us, or that you said a special prayer for us. It means so much to us. You helped me get out of bed this morning when all I wanted to do was wallow in my grief...it also helps that our dog, Lily, will literally puke if I don't take her out in a timely manner.
Callie's impact is quite obviously felt in our lives, but sometimes I forget that she changed the lives of so many other people. Today, I received an email from our pastor with the subject line "Just Another Miracle...". He proceeded to tell us how he had recently shared the eulogy he had written for Callie's Memorial service, in which he mentioned the story of our Maggiano Angel and the yellow balloon, with a married couple going through a rough time. The young man told our pastor that through his conversations with him, he and his wife have decided to get baptized and that Callie's story was a "turning point in his faith". Whoa! To know that our journey has opened a new chapter in these people's lives is truly amazing, powerful, and life-changing. This must be how it feels to be Oprah. Jokes aside, it feels so good to know that out of a tragedy, hope, joy, and happiness can still survive.
Sometimes I feel self-conscious about sharing my feelings in this blog. I worry how others will view my opinions and ideas. Will they question my motives for blogging? Will they like my writing? Will people get bored of it and move on? I am learning (this is super hard for me) that these things do NOT matter, or at least they shouldn't. I write for ME! for John! and most of all... for Callie! It would be a crime not to share her story. Look at all the good it has done. She changed me, my husband, my family, and my friends. And now through this platform, she has reached others in a way I could have never imagined.
So on a day where I started on the wrong side of the bed, I am feeling good... better than good, GREAT! I had lunch with an old friend and coffee with a new friend. A joy-ride with the sunroof open, old-school style, with the radio blasting like I was 16 again (and back when gas was 99 cents/gallon). An interesting photo session with a fire hydrant (did I mention I was a creative procrastinator?). Catching up on a few things on my to-do list. And making plans for a fun-filled weekend. There were moments of sadness today, and like God was feeling that way too, the weather mirrored my feelings. Sunny when I was happy, stormy when I was upset. Like most days, it was a blessed mixture of emotions...sad, joyful, bittersweet, but, above all, beautiful.