A Letter to Callie on her 5th Birthday in Heaven
Happy birthday sweetie! Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I will never, ever forget the day you were born. There are a lot of things that I wish I could change about that day and the next, but I know now that God had a different plan for you and I have come to respect that even if I cannot understand it.
We will be making you a cake today and sending you a balloon again (do you get those?) and will sing you "Happy Birthday". We promise to do an act of kindness in your name today. How do you celebrate in Heaven? I bet it is better than anything I can imagine.
Today, you would have been five here on Earth. There is something so special about that age. I would give absolutely ANYTHING to know what you would look like as a sweet little five year old. When your little sister, Lila, was born, I thought that you girls resembled each other a little bit. Maybe her face as she grows will give me a hint of yours. Charlotte looked so different than you, but you share a bond that I don't even understand. Even though she is only three, she knows about you and talks about you in a way that makes me 100% sure that you are with her.
You are with all of us.
In my every action and in your daddy's.
In every breath your sisters (and soon-to-be-born brother) take.
You are with us.
Callie, please know that you are loved and remembered. I hold you in my heart and send you daily hugs and kisses. Each night as I go to bed, I always lay on my left side because I see you better that way when I close my eyes. I see you the way I did 5 years ago, nose-to-nose on your hospital bed. I can't fall asleep any other way.
Thank you for sending me little signs lately to bring me comfort. I wish that it didn't have to be that way...it should be me comforting you! But I do appreciate and treasure each gift you have given us and hope with every fiber of my being that I make you proud and that you can feel my love all the way up there in heaven.
We miss you and love you so much!
With all my heart,