36 weeks! There was a time that I didn't think we would make it this far. I'm in awe of how quickly time has gone by, while still seeming to creep at a snail's pace at the same time. How is that possible?
Since my last post, we had a great measurement appointment at 33 weeks- 'Wilburta' climbed up to the 30th percentile in overall weight! I remember feeling like that was pretty darn huge compared to all of our other visits. But on Wednesday at our 35 weeks measurement check, however, her growth had slowed quite a bit. She dropped down to the 16th percentile with an abdominal circumference of less than 2%. Since she had still managed to grow a bit though, she was given the green light to stay put for a little while longer. The doctor said this slow down in growth may be an indicator that the end of her stay inside my tummy may be drawing very near.
So, just enough good news to keep marching forward...just enough drama to scare us half to death.
To be honest, now that we are at this point in the pregnancy I'm not scared of her being born a little early. We're only a week away from what is considered full-term and the doctors have reassured us that she will do very well if she were born this very day.
What is really scaring me, however, is her staying inside of me. This may sound backwards, but I just want her out. If something about my body or placenta isn't giving her what she needs to grow adequately, I am really frightened that something bad will happen in between my appointments and that I won't know- or be able to do anything about it. I can remember feeling this way with Charlotte too, even though she never gave us any reasons to be worried. It was just a natural consequence of losing Callie and meeting so many other women who have lost a child and hearing their stories of stillbirth.
There is a certain fear that I have held about pregnancy in the third trimester as a result ever since- this feeling like I am a walking death trap for my baby. If you haven't been there then you are probably scratching your head on that one, but I know damn well that the women who have been there know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. It's not fun. It's not cute. It's all business.
I miss that innocence of feeling with all certainty, without question, that my body is a safe haven for my baby.
We are scheduled to have a C-section at 38.5 weeks on March 26th. That is less than 3 weeks away! We could use all your prayers and positive energy that our baby continues to grow until that date. I'd also really appreciate prayers that if for some reason she stops thriving that we will know right away and be able to get her safely into our arms. Lastly, please pray that God takes away our anxiety and replaces it with peace in our hearts. We've been busily preparing for this little one's arrival and trying to have fun with it.
And that's what we'll continue to do!