I'm tired. I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant and I'm tired.
I'm tired of strangers asking me if this is my first baby...every single time I leave the house. I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of being constipated and throwing up in my mouth every time I lean over. I'm tired of pain and sadness. I'm tired of knowing too much. I'm tired of waiting. Oh my Lord, I am SO tired of waiting.
And then, I'm just plain old tired because, oh yeah, I'm 37 weeks pregnant.
Easter was harder for me this year than I expected. I've already been through my first Easter without Callie. But for some reason, I woke up Easter morning in tears. Tears that didn't stop when we visited her garden or during church. Tears at no Easter bunny and tears at no cute outfits.
I'm tired of tears too.
But, for every one of these things that I am tired of, I feel equally grateful. I'm grateful for the love and support of so many people...strangers (even the nosy ones at the check-out line...there hearts are in a good place, right?) and friends and family alike. I'm grateful to be pregnant again. I'm grateful for this little girl growing inside of me. I'm grateful for the little girl that didn't get to stay and whose loss brought the pain and the sadness and the knowing too much. She has changed me forever.
I guess it's a good kind of tired when you think of it that way.
That's all for today, because...